Widen The Gap

It's inevitable. You have to compare yourself with the rest of the world or at least the person next to you in order to see how you are doing. 

I have always believed that you are your own standard.  In order to be happy, I have to stop comparing myself to others in order to avoid all the unnecessary destructive criticism. But that was just so arrogant of me to think that I'm that good to set a standard all on my own.  Very foolish if not idealistic.

I have a sinking feeling that it's too late for me to realize it now.   My peers are already way ahead of me.  They have been “competitive" long before. And just because of that, they were able to find ways in order to widen the gap from others.  They were found competent while I have been too lenient with myself.  I didn't aspire to be anything else other than what I was. 

I guess being contented has its downside.

However, there is still time.  I am no longer contented.  I found something to envy about others - that sense of wanting to win in a game that you build in your head.  People should not be so horrible about it.  It’s just feeling the thrill of being in a competition against others.  And eventually, when you’re in the top, be in a competition against yourself.  Life will be dull without it.  


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