Mental Notes

I have no use for this department. I go in and I go out everyday without changing anything in the work place. I don't contribute anything. I have nothing to contribute. I am not so sure if I'm so self-absorbed but I have so many problems to deal with that I can't seem to help other people with theirs. For the next four months, I am in a post where there are no machinery.  That machinery has been long gone early this year.  And everyone who had been in this post all had time in their hands. However, I have no time at all. I have so many things to think about.  So many worries that I have to find solution to. It is so overwhelming that I don't even know what direction to take.  Hence, I'm not moving anywhere. Hearing people of their grand plans and I'm like, I have nothing. at. all. So pathetic.  This is me.  That is how I am. It would be so easy if I'm just living for myself. However, I'm not.  It makes it extra hard and it makes...

The phrase "the unloved hate" came from a house music mix playing at the work place.  Yes, we have party music at the office.  It gives us more fun doing our work. There was a speech in that mix and it was clear and should I say, intense enough to hear and understand.  My co-worker told me that it was Charlie Chaplin who was making a speech.  It was a surprise since I thought Charlie Chaplin didn't make any sound.  I was stupidly making assumptions from the movies he made (that I've seen so far).  I didn't know he stood for something. Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I vaguely remember, he was around during the time of war.  And in this speech that I heard for the first time, it was about the war.    And so, I had to search for it and share this link -  The Great Dictators Speech  -  where I found the whole thing. Sometimes, I forget the most important of all - those people that really matters whether they are a...

Work is hard.  And it gets doubly hard when you're working with difficult people. I need a sense of accomplishment.  I chose this life to attain that.  I even chose a job that is paying above the minimum wage even though I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I didn't know what I was signing up for.  I even pulled off the interview to get that "item" in a public institution. That was almost four years ago. My item would last for four years.  I got this one last year and then, I'll surely again get stumped. Those three years didn't come so easy.  It entailed a lot of sleepless nights, humiliation by my consultants in front of my juniors to whom I probably lost all respect and sanctions from my senior residents.  I can't believe I am still keeping up with this job and quitting still hasn't occurred to me yet (unlike my batch mate who threatened to quit thrice already and has gone AWOL and then back again). Despite all the things th...

Long ago, I wouldn't have any clue what THAT was all about.  I've read about it mostly in magazines but have never understood what they were driving at.  Politicking and all other terms, they were actually useless to me. However, this year, I have been dragged and so are the others into office politics.  It's like each encounter was a round in a boxing match.  There's no time limit.  And the punches keep piling up.  Some people duck while the others catch every punch.  Most are spectators.  And some don't even know what is going on until they get punched in the jawline themselves.   With all those getting involved, there is no fair fight.   When someone throws a punch, the next move is to make yours.  It's like an exhausting cycle.  And in order to get people in your team, you resort to back-stabbing, name calling.  You name it, they do it.   Personally, I'm quite sick of it all.  Who damn cares a...

I don’t understand it but this entry is yet again about a good night’s sleep.   However, this time I don’t need to step on anyone to get one.   Tonight, it was an all-guy’s night (except for me).   And so when all the other non-duty people are out drinking in a nearby place (namely Trellis), the other guys I’m on duty with are going to go out and follow.   I just had to say yes.   When the machines are down in this department, there is nothing else to do for the senior-on-call.   There is no point in holding my guy friend from having his fun out with the other guys.   It turned out I’m the lucky senior who will get a call from Surgery that they had a portable and asked if I could come up the ward to do the thing we do. And so, after a few hours, the guys went back finding out that I actually did something while they were having fun.   It must have been remorse on their part that made them promise that they won’t bother me for ...

I am not the right person to work for peace processes. At work today, I was asking my batchmates, Dr.Alvin and Dr.Manny, to talk to the incoming chief about the discrepancies in our schedule of duties.  It's Christmas season and I was lucky enough that I got the Christmas-In deck and luckier to get the 24th of December off.  Unfortunately, luck ran out when the senior who was assigned to create the schedule wasn't smart enough to consider about the previous and official arrangements. And so, I asked the most diplomatic people around (that would be Manny and Alvin) to talk to her, the incoming!  And Alvin told me to do it myself.  Duh!  I'm too mad to do the begging.  And he said that I was right: I'm not diplomatic enough.  He said that being a columnist would suit me more instead.  Because with all my opinions and stands and issues in life (well, when it comes to the current workplace), I have a lot of them that it's hard to contain. But of...