What I'm Not Saying

Okay so I'm swearing by this:  I'm going back to blogging.  However, I don't know which ones I have to tell out there to nothingness and which I am going to keep in my subconsciousness.  Whatever it is that I want to let out in this web world should just be in the web world. 

What I'm going to openly write is things that might be acceptable, relate-able and never anything like that new TV series SENT.  Hopefully, I don't make that mistake. 

I do speak forcefully and annoyingly righteous at times.  I don't know if I can really do it in writing.  I'm not organized in physical things let alone, those abstract thoughts jumbled in my mind. 

And so, it is with much effort that I would be writing down everything in my mind.  What I'm not saying should be in writing.  Of course, with temperance which I'm working on to let go.  I don't have the option to say anything freely.  Hopefully, I have the option to write freely.

Bed Weather Today

Husband woke up at five this morning and as routine, I also get up from bed.  After realising that it was a Saturday and I don't have to get up from work, I instantly am wide awake.  Hugged my husband before making my own cup of coffee.  He has to go to work so early even if it was raining outside.

After getting ready, before getting out of the door, he sent a text message to his client Ryan who was scheduled for a 6am tennis game.  There was no reply.  He tried calling but phone cannot be reached.  He was not getting out of the house until he gets a reply.  He also called the activity center office to ask if the tennis courts were reserved for a certain company and found out that it was booked the whole morning.  And so, 6am class was not possible.

Ryan finally sent a response saying that it's okay to move the class at 1pm instead of 6am.

Hours after, Ryan and two more tennis players cancelled because of the weather.

Even though we need the income, I'm happy to have h…

Clan Wars

I've been addicted to this game for years now.  And I made my husband addicted to it too.  However, there was a time when we had given up on it.  I was busy with the training and I'd rather sleep in my free time and he basically found a newer game he'd wanted to try.

At that time, there was no clan wars.  We aimed for the town hall level 10 because we wanted to freely upgrade everything.  We didn't know that eventually, people will tell us that we had some kind of "T.H. Rush".

And now, two years after I decided to delete the app from the iPad, I downloaded it to the phone to see what the fuss was all about.

I joined a clan again just to be kicked out minutes later after they found out that I was in my late 30's already.  Saying that I was old before actually kicking me out.

The next clan I joined ended up the same way with me getting kicked out because according to them, I was just looting to which I beg to differ.  I didn't know that I had to att…

Gift To Myself

It's a Sunday.  I'm at work.

My four year old daughter is with her grandma attending another kid's birthday party.

My husband is off to a tennis class.  Thank God for a livelihood today.  At least one of us is earning.

A family day without my family around.

I've been browsing the net here in the quarters hoping that I get to have an idea for my research which is long overdue already.  However, I still have nothing.  I was able to do other kinds of research on the internet.

I wanted to do a series of podcasts of my own and the moment I get to have a chance, I'm going to write articles for this podcast idea.  One idea should be supported by so many.

Let's see.  Well, I wanted to give myself something.  And I came up with something else to do besides think about my God-forsaken research.  (Lord, please send help).

No Thing

I have no use for this department.

I go in and I go out everyday without changing anything in the work place.

I don't contribute anything.

I have nothing to contribute.

I am not so sure if I'm so self-absorbed but I have so many problems to deal with that I can't seem to help other people with theirs.

For the next four months, I am in a post where there are no machinery.  That machinery has been long gone early this year.  And everyone who had been in this post all had time in their hands.

However, I have no time at all.

I have so many things to think about.  So many worries that I have to find solution to.

It is so overwhelming that I don't even know what direction to take.  Hence, I'm not moving anywhere.

Hearing people of their grand plans and I'm like, I have nothing. at. all.

So pathetic.  This is me.  That is how I am.

It would be so easy if I'm just living for myself.

However, I'm not.  It makes it extra hard and it makes it more worrisome.

Burning Bridges

I have burned so many bridges in this lifetime that I ran out of ways to cross to the other side.

People cannot live on their own. We all need someone.   That's the humbling truth.  We all think of ourselves as self-reliant.  However, there is a limit to our own resources.  We all need help to fill up what we could not provide.

When we were young, friendship means having somebody share your interest.  Friends share your victories as well as your struggles in your early life.  They're actually taking over the place of parents as confidants whether your parents like it or not.  They're the ones you turn to.

Young people surround themselves with the kind of people who seem fit to their taste.  They crave to be with other people.  It's like a security blanket for them.

For adults, friendship becomes a bit cynical.  We need "friends".  And our "friends" need us.  They are there to help you out.  You also need to send help as needed.

As we get older, …

Extra Ticket

They've all gone to Boracay.  I bought a ticket for myself.

But I'm here at home, probably thankful for having a reason not to go.

I'm not even mad.  Just worried because of the expenses I made for this trip.

I got a call when they were still in the airport.  They just found out I'm not joining them.

And then I overheard the voice of somebody who brought his mistress with him on the trip.  I heard him say that I should have given the ticket to someone else if I wasn't planning to go.

I would give it freely to his children if they wanted to go with him.  Other than that, I'm keeping that ticket.