Yesterday was almost doomsday for both of us.  I was caught cheating the second time with the same person.  I don't know why I keep doing it.  I'm not really like this.  I'm actually too old to fool around.  Besides, I'm appalled by my own actions thinking I'm the girl in the relationship.  I comply with our double standards.  If I was a guy, my ego would be elated thinking I could have more than one.  But since I'm the woman in this relationship, it just makes me a bit of a slut.  Although it hasn't come to THAT, my husband is thinking of the worst. 

I love my husband although we are not married yet.  Maybe that's just it.  That's the thing that is missing.  I need to seal the deal already.  But in my heart, I know what will seal the deal.  It would be finally living together which we can't at the moment.  

I love my husband.  And I cannot think of anything that would bring back his trust.  He would always think that I am doing something illicit behind his back.  Probably there will be nothing that I can do.  It's would be up to him.  


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