Mental Notes

It's a Sunday.  I'm at work. My four year old daughter is with her grandma attending another kid's birthday party. My husband is off to a tennis class.  Thank God for a livelihood today.  At least one of us is earning. A family day without my family around. I've been browsing the net here in the quarters hoping that I get to have an idea for my research which is long overdue already.  However, I still have nothing.  I was able to do other kinds of research on the internet. I wanted to do a series of podcasts of my own and the moment I get to have a chance, I'm going to write articles for this podcast idea.  One idea should be supported by so many. Let's see.  Well, I wanted to give myself something.  And I came up with something else to do besides think about my God-forsaken research.  (Lord, please send help).

I have no use for this department. I go in and I go out everyday without changing anything in the work place. I don't contribute anything. I have nothing to contribute. I am not so sure if I'm so self-absorbed but I have so many problems to deal with that I can't seem to help other people with theirs. For the next four months, I am in a post where there are no machinery.  That machinery has been long gone early this year.  And everyone who had been in this post all had time in their hands. However, I have no time at all. I have so many things to think about.  So many worries that I have to find solution to. It is so overwhelming that I don't even know what direction to take.  Hence, I'm not moving anywhere. Hearing people of their grand plans and I'm like, I have nothing. at. all. So pathetic.  This is me.  That is how I am. It would be so easy if I'm just living for myself. However, I'm not.  It makes it extra hard and it makes...

I have burned so many bridges in this lifetime that I ran out of ways to cross to the other side. People cannot live on their own. We all need someone.   That's the humbling truth.  We all think of ourselves as self-reliant.  However, there is a limit to our own resources.  We all need help to fill up what we could not provide. When we were young, friendship means having somebody share your interest.  Friends share your victories as well as your struggles in your early life.  They're actually taking over the place of parents as confidants whether your parents like it or not.  They're the ones you turn to. Young people surround themselves with the kind of people who seem fit to their taste.  They crave to be with other people.  It's like a security blanket for them. For adults, friendship becomes a bit cynical.  We need "friends".  And our "friends" need us.  They are there to help you out.  You also need to send he...