Mental Notes

They've all gone to Boracay.  I bought a ticket for myself. But I'm here at home, probably thankful for having a reason not to go. I'm not even mad.  Just worried because of the expenses I made for this trip. I got a call when they were still in the airport.  They just found out I'm not joining them. And then I overheard the voice of somebody who brought his mistress with him on the trip.  I heard him say that I should have given the ticket to someone else if I wasn't planning to go. I would give it freely to his children if they wanted to go with him.  Other than that, I'm keeping that ticket.

How I love them. I even welcome them. However, they would cause my downfall. It's going to delay any progress if I'm destined to have any. I've got to turn away from them. It's hard but if I did, I would be so glad that I did.

The phrase "the unloved hate" came from a house music mix playing at the work place.  Yes, we have party music at the office.  It gives us more fun doing our work. There was a speech in that mix and it was clear and should I say, intense enough to hear and understand.  My co-worker told me that it was Charlie Chaplin who was making a speech.  It was a surprise since I thought Charlie Chaplin didn't make any sound.  I was stupidly making assumptions from the movies he made (that I've seen so far).  I didn't know he stood for something. Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I vaguely remember, he was around during the time of war.  And in this speech that I heard for the first time, it was about the war.    And so, I had to search for it and share this link -  The Great Dictators Speech  -  where I found the whole thing. Sometimes, I forget the most important of all - those people that really matters whether they are a...

Work is hard.  And it gets doubly hard when you're working with difficult people. I need a sense of accomplishment.  I chose this life to attain that.  I even chose a job that is paying above the minimum wage even though I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I didn't know what I was signing up for.  I even pulled off the interview to get that "item" in a public institution. That was almost four years ago. My item would last for four years.  I got this one last year and then, I'll surely again get stumped. Those three years didn't come so easy.  It entailed a lot of sleepless nights, humiliation by my consultants in front of my juniors to whom I probably lost all respect and sanctions from my senior residents.  I can't believe I am still keeping up with this job and quitting still hasn't occurred to me yet (unlike my batch mate who threatened to quit thrice already and has gone AWOL and then back again). Despite all the things th...

It's inevitable. You have to compare yourself with the rest of the world or at least the person next to you in order to see how you are doing.  I have always believed that you are your own standard.  In order to be happy, I have to stop comparing myself to others in order to avoid all the unnecessary destructive criticism. But that was just so arrogant of me to think that I'm that good to set a standard all on my own.  Very foolish if not idealistic. I have a sinking feeling that it's too late for me to realize it now.   My peers are already way ahead of me.  They have been “competitive" long before. And just because of that, they were able to find ways in order to widen the gap from others.  They were found competent while I have been too lenient with myself.  I didn't aspire to be anything else other than what I was.  I guess being contented has its downside. However, there is still time.  I am no longer contented.  I foun...

My dad once asked me about the YinYang sign.  He described it and asked what it was about.  Even though my parents had made it big as compared to where they began, they haven't had the privilege to know a lot of things besides making a living. And so they have sent us, their kids, out there to learn what they haven't learned.  This was one of the very few times when I would be asked to help out in something. I knew that the Yin Yang was all living in balance.  I explained that the good and bad in this world is really for the general good.  Not good things are entirely good and not bad things are entirely evil.  There will always be a good in every bad and vice versa. Each one of us takes part in each others' lives.  One cannot stand alone.  In order to find balance, there will always be two or more. Too much of a good thing does not stay as a a good thing anymore.  It loses the pleasure it gives.  When you have it for so long, it...

Long ago, I wouldn't have any clue what THAT was all about.  I've read about it mostly in magazines but have never understood what they were driving at.  Politicking and all other terms, they were actually useless to me. However, this year, I have been dragged and so are the others into office politics.  It's like each encounter was a round in a boxing match.  There's no time limit.  And the punches keep piling up.  Some people duck while the others catch every punch.  Most are spectators.  And some don't even know what is going on until they get punched in the jawline themselves.   With all those getting involved, there is no fair fight.   When someone throws a punch, the next move is to make yours.  It's like an exhausting cycle.  And in order to get people in your team, you resort to back-stabbing, name calling.  You name it, they do it.   Personally, I'm quite sick of it all.  Who damn cares a...