Mental Notes

Three years ago, I remember driving through flood to get home and stopping by a church along our street because I wouldn't dare go forward to the raging floods along the way.  I saw a bride in front of the church sitting down and crestfallen.  There were no guests who came on her wedding day. I'm not even sure if her wedding took place.  Well, I hope it did because I saw her husband standing beside her looking afar the gates of the church compound, probably hoping that guests will come.  But of course, knowing how bad the roads were - floods almost drowning cars that passed through, I'm not sure there will be someone who's coming and celebrating such a horrendous day for most people in Manila. I'm not really talking about weddings or typhoons specifically. I'm just saying that Murphy's Law holds true in some cases.  And of course, it can happen unexpectedly especially when people have been looking forward (in this case, for a long time) for something r...

Have you ever been in a situation when you are about to enter a group who seem to already know each other? Well, it happened to me during the first day of training.  Even my co-pre-resident was already IN the group because she went through training before in the same department.  And so, the girls already knew her. That morning, everyone was excitedly talking with one another especially now that my co-pre-resident decided to take another chance in the department. And so, there I was... on the couch.... looking unto them, feeling so like the outsider (or newcomer) that I am. I thought to myself that it's going to be extra hard to fit in because it seems that I'm the only new person in the entire department.  Even the radiology technicians (RadTechs for short) knew her. And so, for the next couple of days, I was trying my best to get grope through the department and trying not to feel awkward in the presence of people who already know one another.

I am starting to believe this with regret.  It seems that it's true in its entirety.   "There are no second chances."  There's nothing as final as these words.  One chance is all what we have.  If we blew it, the moment passes and could be no more chance to see it happen again.

In my family, it has always been a practice not to make any plans.  I don't know why but most of our don't push through.  It has not been intentional though.  Fortunately, there are a lot of good things that has happened without us planning any of it. I'm the kind of person who still uses the traditional organizer or journal notebook where I list out my plans and tick them out once I complete them.  It gives me great pleasure whenever I slash out a completed tasks.  I feel that I have done something good that day. Today, we were all supposed to go out for a family dinner.  My mom made me look for a restaurant that we haven't tried before.  But then, it was way past the time we were supposed to get ready and everyone seemed to have forgotten about it until it was too late already. Whenever a plan doesn't push through, I get some kind of discomfort.  It was worse when I was younger. I would throw tantrums when what I was expecting to happen do...

I have to give it to the government offices these days.  They have made it a lot easier for citizens to get their much needed documents.  We cannot do without the long lines and the crowd.  But I have to admit that it has become more tolerable (even though the prices of these documents haven't). Wouldn't it be nicer if we could go through life following much clearer signs?  We would all be going to the same (if not right) direction.  Everyone will be getting their turn eventually.  Everyone is headed in the same destination. But wait!  Isn't that what's happening?  We all ARE going in the same direction eventually.  Even though we are going through different paths in life, we are going to end up the same as the next person. Which path to take depends on how we read the signs.   The more you are able to read it well, the easier you will get through life. I have heard myself complain about how hard life is.  I really feel stup...

At the moment, I am currently enjoying a state of contentment.  Even life is not as I have pictured it, I'm quite enjoying myself waiting for IT to happen.   Exhausted But Happy Taking care of my daughter is exhausting but I'm quite happier each day.  It is hard to take care of her because I can't dare take my eyes or ears off her in fear of missing anything (especially the close calls that would put some kind of danger).  And being on guard all the time is least to say, exhausting.   However, I'm actually enjoying myself with my daughter.  The more time I spent with her, the more I understand her.   Anxious But Hopeful In the coming months, I'm going back to being a hospital slave.  I'm quite anxious about it since it has already been a long time since I've done that kind of work.  I will also be spending more time in the hospital than in my own home.  Also, I have been warned by a friend in PGH who is taking the same program that ...