Mental Notes

It's inevitable. You have to compare yourself with the rest of the world or at least the person next to you in order to see how you are doing.  I have always believed that you are your own standard.  In order to be happy, I have to stop comparing myself to others in order to avoid all the unnecessary destructive criticism. But that was just so arrogant of me to think that I'm that good to set a standard all on my own.  Very foolish if not idealistic. I have a sinking feeling that it's too late for me to realize it now.   My peers are already way ahead of me.  They have been “competitive" long before. And just because of that, they were able to find ways in order to widen the gap from others.  They were found competent while I have been too lenient with myself.  I didn't aspire to be anything else other than what I was.  I guess being contented has its downside. However, there is still time.  I am no longer contented.  I foun...

My dad once asked me about the YinYang sign.  He described it and asked what it was about.  Even though my parents had made it big as compared to where they began, they haven't had the privilege to know a lot of things besides making a living. And so they have sent us, their kids, out there to learn what they haven't learned.  This was one of the very few times when I would be asked to help out in something. I knew that the Yin Yang was all living in balance.  I explained that the good and bad in this world is really for the general good.  Not good things are entirely good and not bad things are entirely evil.  There will always be a good in every bad and vice versa. Each one of us takes part in each others' lives.  One cannot stand alone.  In order to find balance, there will always be two or more. Too much of a good thing does not stay as a a good thing anymore.  It loses the pleasure it gives.  When you have it for so long, it...

Long ago, I wouldn't have any clue what THAT was all about.  I've read about it mostly in magazines but have never understood what they were driving at.  Politicking and all other terms, they were actually useless to me. However, this year, I have been dragged and so are the others into office politics.  It's like each encounter was a round in a boxing match.  There's no time limit.  And the punches keep piling up.  Some people duck while the others catch every punch.  Most are spectators.  And some don't even know what is going on until they get punched in the jawline themselves.   With all those getting involved, there is no fair fight.   When someone throws a punch, the next move is to make yours.  It's like an exhausting cycle.  And in order to get people in your team, you resort to back-stabbing, name calling.  You name it, they do it.   Personally, I'm quite sick of it all.  Who damn cares a...

I have never underestimated the power of a smiling face.   On my way home from work, my driver (Kuya Sergio) stopped at a red light at the intersection of EDSA and East Avenue in Diliman.  Pedestrians were scrambling about trying to hurry in crossing the street.  They were in groups.  And then a few seconds before THEIR green light turns red, there was a man who was jogging his way across the street with a genuine smile on his face.  I was quite certain that he wasn't smiling because he is beating the red light for pedestrians. Oh happy thoughts!   I don't know what was the reason behind his smile and I will probably never know.  However, I'm sure that it came from deep within.  That kind of smile is out of true happiness.  It wasn't even a big smile of satisfaction nor excitement.  It was subtle however, it was contagious.  He would never know that someone who saw him smile made that someone smile (That was me, of course. ...

I don’t understand it but this entry is yet again about a good night’s sleep.   However, this time I don’t need to step on anyone to get one.   Tonight, it was an all-guy’s night (except for me).   And so when all the other non-duty people are out drinking in a nearby place (namely Trellis), the other guys I’m on duty with are going to go out and follow.   I just had to say yes.   When the machines are down in this department, there is nothing else to do for the senior-on-call.   There is no point in holding my guy friend from having his fun out with the other guys.   It turned out I’m the lucky senior who will get a call from Surgery that they had a portable and asked if I could come up the ward to do the thing we do. And so, after a few hours, the guys went back finding out that I actually did something while they were having fun.   It must have been remorse on their part that made them promise that they won’t bother me for ...

When there are two people vying for the same bed for a good night’s sleep, there would be some kind of awkwardness.   There are lots of sleeping areas here in the department but only one bed that has that more-than-acceptable mattress.   And the senior gets that bed.   Tonight, I’m the female senior on-duty.   My fellow senior is a guy and so he gets to sleep on the carpeted floor – inhaling everything including the spores from that carpet.   Poor guy.   It’s an unspoken rule since I started in this workplace and that was three years ago, that the senior gets to sleep in this (I’m on it already) bed.   But beforehand, I had to suggestively ask the female junior where she was planning to sleep.   I offered that she could sleep on the bed above me (it was a double-decker).   However, she said she’d sleep on the wooden bench, instead. Oh I’m sure she was wishing I wasn’t on duty with her.   I partly felt bad that she has to...

I am so sleepy and so tired right at this very moment.  I just pulled the blogger window in order to babble and take out my thoughts in order not to knock myself off my chair.  Everything seems heavy.  My shoulders, my upper eyelids... you name it, we got it almost ready to lie down. I boiled drinking water in the teapot and I  didn't wait for it to whistle away.  I just want my Swiss Miss dissolved and ready to drink.  It seems it's the only thing that uplifts my spirit and my whole being up. When I'm this tired, I'm beginning to be resentful.  I'm resenting people who doesn't have to stay up late at night to work.  Thank goodness for hot chocolate.  I don't have to be so resentful for so long.  Every sip slowly wakes me up  more and more.  It's so unlike coffee.  Maybe coffee has lost its affect on me.  I'm no longer a coffee slave.  For a few minutes, chocolate is the most desirable.  

Okay, I've got only thirty minutes to write this - whatever this is. These days it's so hard to gather my thoughts and write them down mainly because I don't have time (and the place) to do so.  And finally, now that they (my daughter and my husband) are asleep, I have some time to sit down and do this - again, whatever this is. I can only afford to tweet these days.  However, that's how far my mind can go right now - a 150-character thought.  It's hard for me to be eloquent on that level so you can just imagine how hard it is for me to be eloquent on this one.     I don't want this to end up as a complaint or rant just because I miss those times when I've got time in my hands.  I am leading the life I want these days.  It's not easy but it is what I wanted (and still want).  And I'm not even regretting that a lot has been lost but not to the extent that I lost all of those important to me.  In fact, I have gained so many and that i...

A month ago, there were so many blackouts in the hospital due to faulty electrical wiring.  It occurred at an average of five (5) times a day.  It was a hassle for everyone and patients were complaining already.  Everyone was struggling with their work.  And people were blaming the engineering department and the people in the top offices.  You could see power banks everywhere.  And people were charging their gadgets in between blackouts.   I guess people learned how to adapt.  After months (yes, months) of daily blackouts, no one was complaining about it.  Everyone was even expecting (and welcoming) its onset.  The staff were trying to cope up with it.  They were doing double time when the lights are on but it wasn't enough.  The blackout was everyone's excuse for unfinished tasks. However, it was different for the patients (and their relatives).  I could only imagine the terrible discomfort they must be feeling. ...