Mental Notes

Husband woke up at five this morning and as routine, I also get up from bed.  After realising that it was a Saturday and I don't have to get up from work, I instantly am wide awake.  Hugged my husband before making my own cup of coffee.  He has to go to work so early even if it was raining outside. After getting ready, before getting out of the door, he sent a text message to his client Ryan who was scheduled for a 6am tennis game.  There was no reply.  He tried calling but phone cannot be reached.  He was not getting out of the house until he gets a reply.  He also called the activity center office to ask if the tennis courts were reserved for a certain company and found out that it was booked the whole morning.  And so, 6am class was not possible. Ryan finally sent a response saying that it's okay to move the class at 1pm instead of 6am. Hours after, Ryan and two more tennis players cancelled because of the weather. Even though we need t...

I've been addicted to this game for years now.  And I made my husband addicted to it too.  However, there was a time when we had given up on it.  I was busy with the training and I'd rather sleep in my free time and he basically found a newer game he'd wanted to try. At that time, there was no clan wars.  We aimed for the town hall level 10 because we wanted to freely upgrade everything.  We didn't know that eventually, people will tell us that we had some kind of "T.H. Rush". And now, two years after I decided to delete the app from the iPad, I downloaded it to the phone to see what the fuss was all about. I joined a clan again just to be kicked out minutes later after they found out that I was in my late 30's already.  Saying that I was old before actually kicking me out. The next clan I joined ended up the same way with me getting kicked out because according to them, I was just looting to which I beg to differ.  I didn't know that I had to ...

It's a Sunday.  I'm at work. My four year old daughter is with her grandma attending another kid's birthday party. My husband is off to a tennis class.  Thank God for a livelihood today.  At least one of us is earning. A family day without my family around. I've been browsing the net here in the quarters hoping that I get to have an idea for my research which is long overdue already.  However, I still have nothing.  I was able to do other kinds of research on the internet. I wanted to do a series of podcasts of my own and the moment I get to have a chance, I'm going to write articles for this podcast idea.  One idea should be supported by so many. Let's see.  Well, I wanted to give myself something.  And I came up with something else to do besides think about my God-forsaken research.  (Lord, please send help).

I have no use for this department. I go in and I go out everyday without changing anything in the work place. I don't contribute anything. I have nothing to contribute. I am not so sure if I'm so self-absorbed but I have so many problems to deal with that I can't seem to help other people with theirs. For the next four months, I am in a post where there are no machinery.  That machinery has been long gone early this year.  And everyone who had been in this post all had time in their hands. However, I have no time at all. I have so many things to think about.  So many worries that I have to find solution to. It is so overwhelming that I don't even know what direction to take.  Hence, I'm not moving anywhere. Hearing people of their grand plans and I'm like, I have nothing. at. all. So pathetic.  This is me.  That is how I am. It would be so easy if I'm just living for myself. However, I'm not.  It makes it extra hard and it makes...

I have burned so many bridges in this lifetime that I ran out of ways to cross to the other side. People cannot live on their own. We all need someone.   That's the humbling truth.  We all think of ourselves as self-reliant.  However, there is a limit to our own resources.  We all need help to fill up what we could not provide. When we were young, friendship means having somebody share your interest.  Friends share your victories as well as your struggles in your early life.  They're actually taking over the place of parents as confidants whether your parents like it or not.  They're the ones you turn to. Young people surround themselves with the kind of people who seem fit to their taste.  They crave to be with other people.  It's like a security blanket for them. For adults, friendship becomes a bit cynical.  We need "friends".  And our "friends" need us.  They are there to help you out.  You also need to send he...

They've all gone to Boracay.  I bought a ticket for myself. But I'm here at home, probably thankful for having a reason not to go. I'm not even mad.  Just worried because of the expenses I made for this trip. I got a call when they were still in the airport.  They just found out I'm not joining them. And then I overheard the voice of somebody who brought his mistress with him on the trip.  I heard him say that I should have given the ticket to someone else if I wasn't planning to go. I would give it freely to his children if they wanted to go with him.  Other than that, I'm keeping that ticket.

How I love them. I even welcome them. However, they would cause my downfall. It's going to delay any progress if I'm destined to have any. I've got to turn away from them. It's hard but if I did, I would be so glad that I did.

The phrase "the unloved hate" came from a house music mix playing at the work place.  Yes, we have party music at the office.  It gives us more fun doing our work. There was a speech in that mix and it was clear and should I say, intense enough to hear and understand.  My co-worker told me that it was Charlie Chaplin who was making a speech.  It was a surprise since I thought Charlie Chaplin didn't make any sound.  I was stupidly making assumptions from the movies he made (that I've seen so far).  I didn't know he stood for something. Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I vaguely remember, he was around during the time of war.  And in this speech that I heard for the first time, it was about the war.    And so, I had to search for it and share this link -  The Great Dictators Speech  -  where I found the whole thing. Sometimes, I forget the most important of all - those people that really matters whether they are a...

Work is hard.  And it gets doubly hard when you're working with difficult people. I need a sense of accomplishment.  I chose this life to attain that.  I even chose a job that is paying above the minimum wage even though I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I didn't know what I was signing up for.  I even pulled off the interview to get that "item" in a public institution. That was almost four years ago. My item would last for four years.  I got this one last year and then, I'll surely again get stumped. Those three years didn't come so easy.  It entailed a lot of sleepless nights, humiliation by my consultants in front of my juniors to whom I probably lost all respect and sanctions from my senior residents.  I can't believe I am still keeping up with this job and quitting still hasn't occurred to me yet (unlike my batch mate who threatened to quit thrice already and has gone AWOL and then back again). Despite all the things th...