Yesterday was almost doomsday for both of us. I was caught cheating the second time with the same person. I don't know why I keep doing it. I'm not really like this. I'm actually too old to fool around. Besides, I'm appalled by my own actions thinking I'm the girl in the relationship. I comply with our double standards. If I was a guy, my ego would be elated thinking I could have more than one. But since I'm the woman in this relationship, it just makes me a bit of a slut. Although it hasn't come to THAT, my husband is thinking of the worst.
I love my husband although we are not married yet. Maybe that's just it. That's the thing that is missing. I need to seal the deal already. But in my heart, I know what will seal the deal. It would be finally living together which we can't at the moment.
I love my husband. And I cannot think of anything that would bring back his trust. He would always think that I am doing something illicit behind his back. Probably there will be nothing that I can do. It's would be up to him.