Mental Notes

Three years ago, I remember driving through flood to get home and stopping by a church along our street because I wouldn't dare go forward to the raging floods along the way.  I saw a bride in front of the church sitting down and crestfallen.  There were no guests who came on her wedding day. I'm not even sure if her wedding took place.  Well, I hope it did because I saw her husband standing beside her looking afar the gates of the church compound, probably hoping that guests will come.  But of course, knowing how bad the roads were - floods almost drowning cars that passed through, I'm not sure there will be someone who's coming and celebrating such a horrendous day for most people in Manila. I'm not really talking about weddings or typhoons specifically. I'm just saying that Murphy's Law holds true in some cases.  And of course, it can happen unexpectedly especially when people have been looking forward (in this case, for a long time) for something r...

Have you ever been in a situation when you are about to enter a group who seem to already know each other? Well, it happened to me during the first day of training.  Even my co-pre-resident was already IN the group because she went through training before in the same department.  And so, the girls already knew her. That morning, everyone was excitedly talking with one another especially now that my co-pre-resident decided to take another chance in the department. And so, there I was... on the couch.... looking unto them, feeling so like the outsider (or newcomer) that I am. I thought to myself that it's going to be extra hard to fit in because it seems that I'm the only new person in the entire department.  Even the radiology technicians (RadTechs for short) knew her. And so, for the next couple of days, I was trying my best to get grope through the department and trying not to feel awkward in the presence of people who already know one another.

I am starting to believe this with regret.  It seems that it's true in its entirety.   "There are no second chances."  There's nothing as final as these words.  One chance is all what we have.  If we blew it, the moment passes and could be no more chance to see it happen again.

In my family, it has always been a practice not to make any plans.  I don't know why but most of our don't push through.  It has not been intentional though.  Fortunately, there are a lot of good things that has happened without us planning any of it. I'm the kind of person who still uses the traditional organizer or journal notebook where I list out my plans and tick them out once I complete them.  It gives me great pleasure whenever I slash out a completed tasks.  I feel that I have done something good that day. Today, we were all supposed to go out for a family dinner.  My mom made me look for a restaurant that we haven't tried before.  But then, it was way past the time we were supposed to get ready and everyone seemed to have forgotten about it until it was too late already. Whenever a plan doesn't push through, I get some kind of discomfort.  It was worse when I was younger. I would throw tantrums when what I was expecting to happen do...

I have to give it to the government offices these days.  They have made it a lot easier for citizens to get their much needed documents.  We cannot do without the long lines and the crowd.  But I have to admit that it has become more tolerable (even though the prices of these documents haven't). Wouldn't it be nicer if we could go through life following much clearer signs?  We would all be going to the same (if not right) direction.  Everyone will be getting their turn eventually.  Everyone is headed in the same destination. But wait!  Isn't that what's happening?  We all ARE going in the same direction eventually.  Even though we are going through different paths in life, we are going to end up the same as the next person. Which path to take depends on how we read the signs.   The more you are able to read it well, the easier you will get through life. I have heard myself complain about how hard life is.  I really feel stup...

At the moment, I am currently enjoying a state of contentment.  Even life is not as I have pictured it, I'm quite enjoying myself waiting for IT to happen.   Exhausted But Happy Taking care of my daughter is exhausting but I'm quite happier each day.  It is hard to take care of her because I can't dare take my eyes or ears off her in fear of missing anything (especially the close calls that would put some kind of danger).  And being on guard all the time is least to say, exhausting.   However, I'm actually enjoying myself with my daughter.  The more time I spent with her, the more I understand her.   Anxious But Hopeful In the coming months, I'm going back to being a hospital slave.  I'm quite anxious about it since it has already been a long time since I've done that kind of work.  I will also be spending more time in the hospital than in my own home.  Also, I have been warned by a friend in PGH who is taking the same program that ...

Early this morning, I had to take a nap between classes.  I was so tired because I went to bed late because of work and I was up most of the time because my daughter was restless in bed (She's kind of sick right now). During that nap, I had a really vivid dream that went this way: I was in a home of  a Korean student that I was tutoring (man-to-man - which is far different from what I'm really doing).  And she made some kind of mistake and her mom was charging up to her speaking or more like, yelling at her and holding a broom in one hand.  My student was about to cry and I kind of figured out that her mother is angry at her for making a mistake.  Her mom was about to hit her on the back - not on the bottoms, but on her back  (I kind of figured that out to). And so I had to hug the student who was really scared, to wave off her mom.  I was kind of feeling scared of being hit too. They were speaking Korean at that time and couldn't understand any wo...

I have been talking to my 12 year-old student for the two months now.  We are discussing about almost everything.  This week we were discussing about a woman who chose a poor guy over a rich one.  And my 12 year-old student think that it was a right choice just because the poor guy was a kind man.  She even mentioned that having or not having money is not a valid consideration.  According to her, it's not one of the criteria on choosing who to marry. And then, it hit me.  I'm making choices like a 12 year-old.  I was asking her questions and playing Devil's advocate just in case she wants to change her mind about her answers.  But she was pretty firm about her decision. It's acceptable to think that way ... if I was still 12 years old. But I'm already 20 years older than my student.  Somehow, it was a sad realization that I thought that her choice was not very practical and sadder even when I realized that I'm thinking the way she thinks....

I have shun away from my friends from school especially the ones from graduate school.  I'm kind of ashamed of what I am right now.  I admit that I feel very unaccomplished and actually left behind.  Everyone is about to begin their practice because they have gone through their residency already.  And here I am, I am just about to start. Every time they ask me what I'm up to these days, I put all my effort in order to veer away from their question.  Currently, there are two friends of mine who are asking about how I'm doing and saying that I haven't answered their question yet.  Too bad, they don't easily forget.  Damn their smart brains.  LOL!  And until now, I'm being vague about my answers. When I started posting pictures of my daughter in social networks, they were all shocked that I have a baby already.  No one knew, not even my closest friends, that I was pregnant last year. Right now, I can say I'm kind of an expert in being...

  Art is self-expression. It is how one sees things. It has nothing to do with how others see it. The artist doesn't even have to explain it to anyone. Sometimes, the "audience" sees it as something else. The problem arises when the audience is narrow-minded --- seeing art as it is presented but not what is behind it. I am for freedom of expression. It is so sad that the church has to suppress it.

I find it disturbing and sometimes, very impolite when someone yawns very loudly in public.  It's that kind of yawn in which the person don't even try to stifle it.  I understand that it feels really good especially when it is accompanied by ultimate stretching of the body. But it's another story when you do it in the public place.  There's this girl at my back right now.  She's alone like me.  And every now and then, she lets out a big yawn.  Every one in the coffee shop could hear her.  And so, everyone, I'm sure is not trying to look her way pretending that they didn't hear anything (just like what I'm doing right now). A yawn is usually very infectious.  When you see or hear someone do it, it's like your brain is programmed to do the same.  It's a good thing that her loud yawn is not the regular kind because I wouldn't want to follow suit especially now that I'm on my second cup of bitter coffee just to keep myself awake. Anyway...

We were taught that the Earth is the one moving around the sun and not the other way around but a lavandera or anyone who does the laundry and hangs the clothes under the sun may not believe that fact (without any formal background on astronomy). In the past, I noted that you cannot hang your clothes on the same time of day at the same place like before.  The sun's rays move from one place to another every few weeks or months.  The sun doesn't always sets at the exact same direction.  The only thing you can rely on is at noon time when the rays will truly shine right above you (or your laundered clothes).  But maybe there are changes in the Solar System that we don't know about.  The sun could be truly moving.  That's a scary thought.  It could be moving away or moving  towards us.  Jeepers!  Actually, the idea of a universe is a scary thought.  Thoughts about the Earth just floating there without anything visible holding it in ...

I've been spending a lot of time in coffee shops, haven't I?  It seems my posts are somehow related to them. Just a while ago, I saw a group of young Mormon missionaries inside Starbucks right across their temple.  I remember someone telling me that Mormons are not allowed to have coffee.  I wonder if they're also not allowed to drink tea.  If so, they must be hear for the Apple Pockets. If drinking coffee is a sin against God, does that mean I put coffee before God?  Is coffee so good that I am purposely defying God with every cup? Honestly, I haven't read anything from the Bible saying something against drinking coffee.  I also wonder if they had coffee back then.  They had wine.  And look what alcohol does to people.   I don't hear any church banning alcohol from their lifestyle.

During breakfast this morning, we were recalling our trip somewhere in Western Europe years ago.  This was brought about by eating corned beef that was so masebo or oily.  My dad said it must be beef from cows from around there who do nothing but chew grass and sit around. I remember riding the cable car over those mountains they graze on.  And I hear those cowbells like it was nearby but actually, we were so high up, we can't see where it was coming from.  We were told that these cowbells were supposed to help the shepherd to find them if they went too far. And then after that ride to Mt.Titlis (teehee! The name can make you cringe or giggle!), there was a herd of cattle which made a loud noise with all the cowbells tied on their necks.  I pity the cows.  The bell really makes a loud (almost deafening) noise with their every movement.  It's inhumane! One thing more that caught my attention was that the shepherds were female teenagers.  I th...

If Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf can serve pasta and breakfast trays, why can't Starbucks in Asia serve Asian food?  (Okay, that was bad analogy.)  Wouldn't it be great to eat noodle soup inside the cozy interior where you can see the rain pouring heavily outside?  That would be like the ultimate comfort.  More comfortable than being under Egyptian-cotton-made thick blankets.  Okay, okay!  I actually don't know how Egyptian cotton feels like but I heard it really feels nice. I have just been apprehended by Starbucks security. LOL! I was taking a picture of my sister while she was working on her computer.  Behind her was the Starbucks lighted sign board (which can actually fall on her head because it's just hanging there).  The security guard stopped me after I took a couple of shots.  I was using her iTouch so there was really no clicking sounds or flash.  I was about to post it to her Instagram account (whatever that is).  The secur...

Today, I hung out in Starbucks Tagaytay (which was nearby our home). It was packed with so many people. Some people were eating their pastries standing up. (No kidding!) It was noticeable that there were so many different species of coffee drinkers - of all shapes and sizes. There were people wearing their hospital uniforms. Most were Filipinos but I saw a group of Koreans and some Caucasians. There were even some from Middle East with a heavy accent when they spoke English. After an hour or so, there were women who were wearing formal clothes. And when I say formal, I mean gowns and high heels. They probably came from a wedding reception from a nearby hotel. There were little people too. So little, they had to be carried around. And instead of coffee, they were drinking milk. A cup fo coffee is so great that it brings people together. People who don't have anything in common except that they all like the smell and taste of coffee - particularly espresso.

One co-worker blew her top off.  One of the office employee was being very rude over the community chat room at work today.  He has been like that long before I've stepped into that company.  And today he met his match.  My seatmate ( parang high school lang ) was fuming with the message she got from the that employee.  I didn't know what was happening until she got up from the chair so suddenly and (should I say) savagely.  She stormed out of our area and charged to the head office.   When she came back, she told me and another friend that she told the HR/shift manager (who, in my opinion, is a lot worse than anyone else in that office) that this particular employee was harassing her over our community chat.  Her words slashed against that person so hard that the manager had to calm her down (unsuccessfully). My friend went back to her computer to rudely reply to the message she received.  I think they had a long conversation over the priv...

I was knocking on the second floor bathroom awhile ago because of my urgency to use it.  Unfortunately, my brother just started using it because they're on their way to church.  I asked if he was still going to take a long time inside the bathroom and he said yes.  What I really meant at that time was "Hurry up"  (" Bilisan mo! "). I don't know where I get this habit of not saying something when I mean something else. Another example is when I'm offering food to someone else.  I ask " Gusto mo? " when what I really want to say is " Kuha ka " which actually means in (" Here, take some ") (I hope I can think of something else to add, but that's all I got from now.) It's a good thing Pinoys don't get confused when we communicate.

At work today, as I enter my biometrics for checking out for my "lunch" break, the manager asked me how long do I take my breaks.  I got irked by her question because it wasn't an innocent one.  In fact, it was full of sarcasm the same way she always delivers her verbal memorandums to all of us.  It seems that she's implying that I'm taking way too long during my breaks.  I'm quite sure that I'm not mistaken with this presumption.  I told her that I'm taking one hour break as she told me during my first few days.  When in fact, what I really wanted to tell her is that she needs to look at the exact biometric records that I don't even consume that one hour alloted to me.   That incident ruin my cup noodle break.  I was ranting to my husband about this.  My husband was just relieved that I wasn't mad AT him this time.  That bit made me laugh and I felt better somehow.  It was kind of funny that he saw it in that light.   I'll ...

Awhile ago, I was approached by one of my immediate superiors.  She told me that my shift manager was complaining that I wasn't greeting her "Good Morning Ma'am" when I do my biometrics near her office.  I reasoned out that I didn't know I was supposed to do that and I have never heard anyone doing that. She told me that I need to because the shift manager was the sister of the owner's (the one I saw before) sister.  I was a bit irritated.  I don't mind greeting anyone.  In fact, I usually greet the lady and the " manong " janitor whenever I see them on the floor.  It's because they were looking at me and so I felt the need to acknowledge their presence.  But the shift manager, who doesn't even look anyone's way, demands to be greeted whenever she's in the room.  I wonder if she thinks people should bow down. In my previous jobs, I greet those who I respect irregardless if they are the owner of the establishment I'm workin...

Well, it is on more than one part of the world, particularly Korea.  And it is one of the most festive days of the year for a Korean.  I was told that it is similar to Christmas day without the religious aspect of it.  Come to think of it, Christmas day's religious perspective is overlooked most of the times. Well, it would be fun to have a Children's day here in our own country.  But instead of giving gifts to our own children, it would be much more meaningful if the kids without parents are the focus of our own Children's day.  I think every child needs to feel that he or she is being cared for.  Childhood is not childhood without any adults taking care of the children.  Once a child starts to fend for himself, it's the end of childhood.  Responsibility is equated with adulthood. Many unfortunate Filipino kids have been robbed of their childhood.  The worse part of it is that they weren't prepared for it.  Adulthood and its respons...

I had this photo in my files for so long already.  And I'm not sure if it's pleasant enough to look at to post it in a blog.  But today, I decided that it's pretty interesting if people read the story behind it.  Well, there's no story really. So, I was disposing off some empty toiletry.  I threw out an empty tube of conditioner into the trash a few feet away from me.  Beforehand, I threw the toothpaste carton.  Since, it was an wide-mouthed trash bin, I knew it was easy to throw things on it from a distance.  But when the tube made a weird sound instead of the usual dumping sound, I looked over the trash and found that I did not just threw in inside the trash but I was also able to shoot the tube inside the toothpaste carton. Now, I understand unbelievable shots I see on TV screens during a basketball game.

I caught a glimpse of our lady boss today.  There are several people who have warned me about her. They all said she is mean-hearted. At work, I stepped out of my station to get hot water for my cup of coffee.  Unfortunately, the container was empty.  And then this middle-aged lady smiled at me and noted that I wasn't able to get any drinking water.  She looked so pleasant that I thought that my fellow workers were exaggerating.  That lady was far from being mean.  She was too friendly to be a horrible person. And so, when I went in, I told my co-worker that I finally saw the big boss.  She asked me what she looked like.  And I told her she looks like a pleasant old lady.  She shared what I told her to another person and they both laughed.  They found it funny that I found the boss old. And then just when we were about to get back to work, there was this short-haired, barely chic-looking, scowling woman who was wearing something you...

There is something nice to look forward to these days.  There will be another female monarch in the Buckingham Palace.  And the Catholic world will have another saint to add to their long list of saints.   This reminds me of one instance in the life of Princess Diana and Mother Theresa.  There was one time that they were in one place at one time.  Two different people who live two entirely different lives - one who lived with so much and the other who lived an impoverished life.   And now, I have lived long enough to witness another instance that a princess and a saint is making news at the same time.  I am not really excited about the Royal Wedding or Pope John Paul II's beatification because frankly, they don't affect me that much.  I have outgrown the idea of princesses shortly after Princess Diana died.  And I always thought that the Pope is much better remembered as the most adored Pope rather than a saint. I hope that I could share ...

I was lucky enough not to worry so much about growing a lot of pimples while growing up.  My mother was afraid during those days that I would grow a lot of them and have my face turn into something like that of my uncle who had numerous craters on his face.  (I don't mean to insult.  I'm just stating a fact.) I have learned that in order not to leave craters after a pimple growth, the pimple should be removed or punctured as soon as it is visible.  It should never be allowed to grow bigger.  For the ones who can't really visit a dermatologist, they do it manually.  But thank goodness for chemists all around, there's a convenient tube of salicylic acid that can be bought in local drugstores.  This will do the trick. Well, when I was growing up, pimples also grew with me.  They were really few in comparison with what others had to deal with.  They were few but they were really big and painful.  My pimples were really in character. ...

How can I study using online books when I'm so addicted to blogging and blog hopping.  I can't help myself when I open my dashboard, I also scroll way down to my reading list.  And I couldn't help visiting my fellow bloggers' blogs.  I don't know if it's fortunate or unfortunate for me to be following so many blogs already.  But I'm really enjoying my time what's everyone's up to these days. I may be putting off my studying.  Or maybe, I'm really just addicted to other people's blogs.  Sigh!

I'm currently listening to a morning radio show and they're talking about good deeds in line with the Holy Week.  And all I can say is "HO-HUM".  What a boring topic!  I'm not really fond of talking about good deeds.  It seems to me that it's just a way to think good about oneself. I don't think a numerous good deeds can redeem one bad deed. For example, I hurt one person and to redeem my soul, I give millions to the poor.  Unfortunately, the millions won't make that one person whom I've hurt feel better. Maybe if I gave the millions to that one person, then the horrible thing I did won't matter anymore to that person. So, taking note of all the good deeds is pointless.  A bad deed will always be a bad deed unless you were forgiven by the person concerned.  But unfortunately, it's not easy to forgive hence, most of our bad deeds remain bad deeds. And may I also add, Holy Week is not about our good deeds.  It's about recognizing ...

Sometimes, there are too many people who imposes their own happiness into your own.  There are so many people like that in my life.  The problem with it is that these people don't see eye to eye on things.  Therefore, someone's idea of happiness doesn't coincide with another.   And I'm left with only space to balance everyone's wishes.  It's just too much pressure one person can handle.  No one really bothered to ask me what will make me happy. I guess at this point, the only thing that will make me happy is when everyone is happy. I wish there will come a time that I will be so selfish that all I need to do is follow my own happiness.

I have a lot of them, believe me. Because I lived early enough to experience taking photographs by film, I have so many printed photos stashed away in a safe hiding place where no one will ever see them unless I allow them to.  It so bad to have to pay for printing photos that you weren't really sure if they were good enough.  In my case, I have paid for a lot of bad ones. I recall those times when you will be able to get to see your pictures only when the Kodak guy hands you that thick pile of photos inserted in their envelopes.  And you can't wait to see them for yourself among other people. And so, the pictures get a lot of fingerprints on them because it was passed on to a lot of hands already. These days, because of digital cameras, you get to print only the good ones.  And sometimes, people don't get prints of them at all.  I have hundreds (and probably close to a thousand... not kidding!) of pictures in my computer and some CD's I have filed in a CD...

We're supposed to be heading home by this time of day - it's noon time and it's the international check out time.  Unfortunately, our driver lost the key to the fan while he was jogging this morning. It entails a lot of inconvenience because the other vehicle would have to go back to Manila and then come back for us again, just to get the keys.  I know everyone is tired and all but somehow, I'm kind of glad we're going to breathe in some fresh air awhile longer. It's sometimes funny but mostly, disappointing when plans cannot be met on time.  I'm sure our driver is feeling so bad right now.  But most of us have the good sense of not rubbing it in.  I said most of us, not all.  One of my relatives didn't even help out in looking for the key and she was the one who keeps complaining.  I wanted to be a bitch about it.  But since I don't want to aggravate the situation, I kept my mouth shut.  Besides, I was spending time looking for the keys on...

I'm thinking of a birthday treat for my mom.  I think Via and I owe her a lot.  I'm going to talk to my sister and brother about it.  I don't think a surprise party would be feasible because her birthday would fall during the Holy Week.  It would be very inappropriate.  What to do?

There was someone in the work place that I found so rude.  I think there were two instances already that I have encountered her ill-mannered self.   The first one was in the pantry when I noticed that she looked at me from head to toe.  I've been scrutinized before but it was never the way she did.  I felt she measuring me up for something.   The next instance was a couple of hours ago.  My friend was asking around for someone who was selling cellphone load in the office.  And another friend asked someone about it.  It so happened that the one selling the load was the same person who was measuring me up.  And so, I told her the name of the friend who was looking for load.  You know what she said?  "Hindi ko siya kilala."  After that she flipped her hair, turned her back to us and walked away.   I was taken aback by her tone.  If she thinks her being "mataray" was amusing, she is greatly mistaken.  It was just ...

I was looking at my journal and realized that payday was coming up.  I wasn't able to contain myself and I exclaimed at the dining table.  I'm afraid that sometimes, it's hard for me to contain my emotions irregardless of who I am with or where I am at. While waiting for my meal, I borrowed a newspaper and saw on the front page about the three people who were going to be executed this week. I suddenly felt bad. While I knew that most of us are looking forward to this week, there are three people who are feeling so dreadful and desperate and helpless all at the same time. I can only imagine what that three people must be feeling at this moment.  I will know eventually what they are feeling when my hour of death comes.  I can only pray for them. I guess that we are all living our own lives.  And we may not be aware of other people's ordeals from day to day.  But it's hard for me not to care about people who are facing their impending doom. The most hurt...

I couldn't sleep last night.  And it was doubly hard for me at work today.  I wasn't able to concentrate at the work at hand.  I got teary eyed during the ride home.  And I was feeling so desperate and scared at the same time. I think I can go crazy any minute now. No amount of reassurance from boyfriend can make me feel secure at the moment.  And when I look at my baby, I want to tell her that I'm truly sorry if ever what I'm so scared becomes a reality. I'm praying like I'm praying for my dear life.  Because it is what it is.  I am praying for dear life right now. If ever you don't hear from me again, it's probably I have gotten so terrified that I can't blog about it.

Well, if the basis were the days we have spent here on earth, I am probably older than you are. But if you look at it in another way, we might be of the same age.  When people asked me years ago what I wanted to be when I grow up, I wasn't able to tell them anything because there was nothing to tell.  I was so happy where I was at at that time that I didn't think I'd be rather somewhere or someone else. I was already old at that time.  Aged, maybe.  I didn't have any dreams because I felt I already attained my happiness.  I've got my toys with me.  I've got my parents with me.  I was enjoying the company of my baby brother (baby then).  I have my sister with me who sometimes I could pester to my heart's content.  And most of all, I've got my books with me.  I had it made... just like an old retiree. But 15 years or so later, I am so restless.  It's like I've got to be somewhere or I've got to do something.  I can't seem t...

It is my first payday ever.  Well, it is in this job.  And I have given myself a treat.  A medium-sized cup of 7/11 French Cappuccino drink.  Before I bought it, just minutes ago, I sent a text message to boyfriend if I could buy one.  I had to do that because he gave me the baon for the week.  And I don't want him thinking that I'm splurging on things.  He told me that when it comes to food, we don't need to save up.  He said, I buy whatever food I want. I wish a nice blouse was edible too.

Death is inevitable. I should have been raised in a way that I would have come to terms with it in order to live fully. I have tried to escape death in so many ways already.  Even if I'm aware of it or not, I somehow manage to live another day.  There are so many close calls already and I wonder why God has allowed for me to go on with living.  Of course, so many people have saved me for so many times already.  They're just not aware that somehow they manage to give me my life back. Despite knowing that life is temporary and death is inevitable, why am still afraid of death? These days, earthquakes and other catastrophes are happening around the world.  And I'm so afraid that we will be hit next.  I am far from being secure when I enter our office building.  Manila has not been hit by a massive earthquake for a long time.  And I'm scared that we may not be spared for long anymore. Around four hours ago, I wasn't aware that Japan was hit by...

I'm definitely going mental. It's 3am and I am finding it hard to go to sleep.  I will surely suffer the consequences later today. When I did get to sleep an hour ago, I had a really bad dream.  And it went something like this: We, my "husband" and I were renting out.  It was really small and there was only one single-sized bed.  It was a really rundown place like it was abandoned for a long time now.  The problem about all this was we were living with my husband's ex.  I noticed that they were starting to get chummy so I pulled him away and out of the room to go some other place else. And then, we were in another room brainstorming for an upcoming business.  And then he was then getting chummy with a new girl.  They were really into a super flirting session.  And I got worried because I was in the room with them but it seemed like I didn't exist at all. I pulled my husband to go to the next room and talk to him.  I asked if he...

I'm praying for more energy to be able to speak lively for thirty (or more) minutes nonstop.  I received a complaint that I was being monotonous.  I don't know if it's because I was running out of energy or I'm just really boring to talk to. I'm really trying my very best and I hope I could learn how to be super lively before my next evaluation because I really need this job. If I fail in this training, it just proves that I'm so pathetic to talk to and my being boring has gotten me jobless.  That's what I get for being mute... I mean, doormat... I mean, meek, all these years.  Tsk!

Refute the following statements as you please: Most of the time, only women loves (to be) skinny girls. Most of the time, men is turned on by britches.   ( Yes, it is vulgar to call women like they were she dogs.  So forgive me if you somehow cringe at the word. ) I was unconsciously figuring out how men like their women and how women react to certain kinds of their species.  When I say skinny, I mean Kim Chiu skinny.   Women opt for the size 4 to size 6.  They regard themselves highly when they are actually skinny (consciously and unconsciously).  They tend to look at skinny women as somewhat lucky and even healthy.  They make an excuse as preposterous as high metabolism when in fact there's really nothing to metabolize.  LOL!  (Luckily Filipinas rarely go on such diet because of our innate love for food.) It doesn't hold true for everyone but it holds true for me.  I think (not Kim Chiu) skinny girls do look good.  Maybe bec...

Dear Lord, I need more time to make things right - for my kid and my parents.  I still believe I haven't made a mistake but it doesn't matter when they think I did.  I don't want them to grow old disappointed.  Please Lord.  Give me time and opportunities to turn things around.  Amen. I've got to stop being emotional and start thinking straight.

Well, that's how I gather from my dream awhile ago.  I took an hour's sleep and woke up again (because I have to check up on my Via - even if she's not crying at all). So I want to write about my dream while it is still vivid in my mind. I was driving our black SUV at night time on my way home. I stopped at a red light.  I was looking at my sideview mirror and saw that there was a street beggar knocking on the windows of cars behind me. The person then came to my window but I was still looking at the sideview mirror instead of looking out my window.  I was seeing a shadow figure instead.  And then it suddenly got too dark and I had to turn on the brightest of my headlight.  Apparently it wasn't working. And then all of a sudden, there were people surrounding my vehicle who were mad and pointing at me. I thought I hit someone so I got off the car and they were telling me I hit their home.  And I was looking around and saw that there was nothing there. ...

Of all calamities, I am afraid of earthquakes most of all.  Maybe it is because I am not reassured by man-made infrastructures.  And maybe because for me, being buried alive is the worst thing that could happen.   I have been preparing myself for an earthquake for the past year or so.  I remember going to work always with a bottle of water, food and flashlight in my bag.  I was also looking where to buy a whistle that I could hang on to my neck.  Yes, I was that paranoid.  I even wanted every one in my family to do the same but they just think I'm just over doing it.   No one can get ready for a disaster such as this.  And I don't think I could be paranoid enough to be ready for it.   After more than a year of being anxious (most of the time), Manila has not experienced any earthquakes (and dear Lord, please keep it that way).  Instead, world news has reported several of them in other parts of the world including that of Haiti's....

I have experienced a lot of close encounters on the road.  If my guardian angel wasn't paying too much attention, I'd be dead by now. Awhile ago while in SLEX, our vehicle was changing lanes at the same time that a bus was doing on the far right lane of the road.  The problem was we were both aiming to change into the same lane.  So imagine my fright as a passenger, seeing that the bus was seemingly heading our way.  We were cheek to cheek with the big vehicle that could easily smash and crush our vehicle. I could understand that proximity like that is okay but only if you are within Metro Manila where vehicles are at hands length from each other.  Did I say it's okay?  I meant that we are used to it when in Manila but it's another story when you're running 80kph or more with a bus heading your way running probably at a higher speed. I couldn't count anymore all the close calls in the road.  But I'm sure there's a lot more coming my way.  I ...